Today is June 27th, 2015.

Eight days ago, I posted that I was welcoming someone back into my life that impacted me greatly. I was so excited and so happy to have him back! My love for him is so great that I can’t even put into words. He changed me; He changed how I saw life. He changed the way I looked at myself in the mirror every morning. 3 years ago, he helped me out of the darkness and brought me into the light. I began to feel again, I began to enjoy life and the little things that life had to offer. He took me out on romantic dates. We ate dinner on the river and went home and laid outside under the night sky staring at the stars cuddled in a soft blanket. He was my light. He helped me live. We share the best memories together, memories I will never forget.

How many hours did we spend laughing? How many times did we kiss? How much time did we spend thinking about one another? How many movies or tv shows did we watch together? How many bowls of popcorn did we eat? How many packages of cookie dough did we eat? How many times did we look at each other and smile? How many times did we tell each other we loved one another?

but.. how much time did I spend crying over him? How many hours did we spend fighting?

Could the positives over-power the negative?

Were the negatives too powerful for all of the positives to overcome?

The answer is no. I don’t believe that any negative is too powerful to overcome. The good always wins. The hero always defeats the villain.

We have a choice. We either let the evil win or we fight for our own happiness. Our lives are what we make of them, we are what we make of ourselves. Why would someone let a small thing, ruin something big and so great?

Is the love we have worth keeping…. or is it worth losing?

All of the laughs and cries. The pie fights, the midnight walks, the movies, the cookie dough, the cuddles, the smiles, the ice cream, the 1..2..3.. jumps, the star gazing, the painting of rocks, the love.

So what do we choose?

Do we choose love or do we choose to move on and wonder what it would be like if we did choose love?

Will the love be different and even better than before? Or will it remain the same..

Life is about taking chances and being spontaneous. . I see someone in front of me and I see love, hope, and joy. I see happiness.

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Welcoming Someone Back Into Your Life

Recently, I have let someone back into my life. It could either be a good or a bad thing. I guess only time will tell if it will be a good decision or not. We have a lot of history. We were together for 2 and a half years, off and on of course.. I learned how to love someone more than I loved myself. He is the father of my unborn child that passed away. That was a make it or break it type of thing. We both learned and changed so much after we lost our daughter. We changed the way we saw each other and felt about each other. I can’t tell you how he felt. But I can tell you how I felt and how my outlook on life changed. I saw how one thing can change your whole life. In a matter of seconds, your whole life is thrown off course. I didn’t just have to think about myself, I had to think about myself, my baby, my boyfriend, and my family. Everyone would have to make sacrifices and changes for me. In that one second, my life changed and I was so lost. The man I have most recently welcomed back into my life was not accepting, not supporting and not the greatest partner. I understood him, but I didn’t understand why he had to treat me like he did. We tried so hard to make our relationship work after we lost our daughter, we were struggling for a few months, I wanted to keep trying but he gave up on me. I moved on and found someone else but we found our  way back to each other, just like we always have and I feel like always will. Our love for each other is so great, it is maddening sometimes. I love him with all of my heart.

I haven’t decided if this is a good thing or not. So.. I am just going to go with the flow but guard my heart so it can’t be broken again.

Lay Me Down by Sam Smith

Read lyrics before listening to a song. The lyrics are so much more powerful when you know what you are listening to.

Yes I do, I believe
That one day I will be, where I was
Right there, right next to you
And it’s hard, the days just seem so dark
The moon, and the stars, are nothing without you
Your touch, your skin, where do I begin?
No words can explain, the way I’m missing you
The night, this emptiness, this hole that I’m inside
These tears, they tell their own story

You told me not to cry when you were gone
But the feeling’s overwhelming, it’s much too strong
Can I lay by your side, next to you, you
And make sure you’re alright
I’ll take care of you
And I don’t want to be here if I can’t be with you tonight

I’m reaching out to you
Can you hear my call? (Who’s to say you won’t hear me?)
This hurt that I’ve been through
I’m missing you, missing you like crazy

You told me not to cry when you were gone
But the feeling’s overwhelming, it’s much too strong
Can I lay by your side, next to you, you
And make sure you’re alright
I’ll take care of you
And I don’t wanna be here if I can’t be with you tonight

Lay me down tonight, lay me by your side
Lay me down tonight, lay me by your side
Can I lay by your side, next to you, you

Adventures

So this summer, spontaneity has been my thing. I decide to drive a few hours just to go to a mall or drive a few hours to see my love interest. Deciding your adventures at the moment and just getting up and doing them is so much more fun than things that are planned out. Plans don’t work out all of the time and  the spontaneous adventures always do!

Life is so  much more exciting that way!

-A Letter To My Daughter-

Dear Charlotte,

Sometimes I wish I could change the past, but other times I know I made the right decision for myself. I have learned and grown from you. I became a mother. My life and the way I look at myself has changed dramatically. You changed me. You changed who I am.

For better, that is. I have never had so much love in my heart for anyone except for you. Charlotte, you were a part of me that I will always hold onto.

If you were here and if you were growing into a young woman, I would guide you and not only be your mother, but your best friend.

I would teach you how to ride your bike and tell you that it is okay to fall down sometimes if you have the strength to get back up and try again.

Open the door for a stranger. Carry someone’s groceries. Ask people how they are and how their day is going. (Be patient if they tell you their life story)

It is okay to cry. But know when it is time to fix a mistake or change your outlook on a certain situation.

Always keep an open mind. Accept all others and love them unconditionally. Don’t let the negatives get you down.. just change the negatives to positives.

Protect your heart.. but still love. Don’t close people out. There are mean people in this world. The only thing you can do about it is to not let it effect you. Show them kindness and hopefully they will be kind. (hopefully…) Your first heartbreak will seem like the end of the world, like you will never love someone else. That is not true. Your relationship ended because he was not the right man for you, the one is coming. Be patient.

Most importantly, love yourself. Embrace who you are and never change for anyone. Be kind. Patient. Charismatic. Loving. Beautiful. Have a kind soul.

With all my love,

Mom

It’s Not Just You

It truly isn’t just you!

The Daily Dahlia

Confession: probably my biggest pet peeve on the planet is when people start a question with “Am I the only one who…?” No. You’re not. You’re not the only one who writes that way, reads that way, likes that food, likes that band, thinks Benedict Cumberbatch sounds like a Game of Thrones character or looks like someone squeezed Spongebob and stuck googly eyes on him…you’re just not. But. There’s a different kind of “Is it just me?” feeling, and that’s the stress of when you’re drowning in something and nobody’s talking about it and you feel like everyone’s got it together but you, and so you don’t wanna say a thing, and it all snowballs until you basically wanna curl up and die. I know that feeling. It’s why I wrote this post after splitting with my first agent. So in case you are wondering any of these things, I…

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